Memory of Jess that totally goes with what I'm about to say...
scary thought: this will be my last xanga enty...yikes.
So we all know, (the xanga community), that xanga is a big part of our lives, some more than others...to many, it is an addiction. i thought i could do fine just having an entry here and there, but the fact of the matter is, i hafta have all or nothing. i find myself needing xanga. something fun or exciting in my life will happen, and i can't wait to write it in here. but, more often then not i write about all of the aweful things happening in my life, and how bad i have it, and want people to feel sorry for me. well i dont want that any more. i mean, deep down i probably do, but it's not healthy for me. i care too much what people think of me, and e-props and comments have got the best of me. (not saying that you shouldn't leave comments, this is a momentous occasion)
i'm sick of reading other people's thoughts, of people talking about other people behind there back, when everyone else knows about the problem but the person that should. if you want to tell someone something tell them, dont write about it in xanga and hope they do/dont read it, and let the whole xanga community read it.
i'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, and making others feel sorry for me. i have issues, you have issues, we all have issues. deal with them.
i'm sick of drama, (which is all xanga is). i'm sick of it in xanga, and i'm sick of it being brought on upon myself in my own life. no more drama.
i'm sick of caring so much about what other people write about me. everyone has there own opinions of people. i should accept it and move on. that goes with there opinions of other people too. i dont like some people, and contrary to my beliefs .... it's ok. i'm coming to realize that now, even though i have been talking about it for an eternity, i'm actually realizing it. not every gets along. i dont have to be nice to everyone all the time.
i need to start getting in touch with the people that i really care about and stop bsing with some of the people i bs with at school. (If saying rude things about someone and picking on them is fun and cool I guess you fall under no other catagory than pathetic that happens to be someone called chichiugly and all them other people who i could really care less about) friends of summer i miss you. you arent the only ones i'm talking about. i need to eliminate all of the bad, and bring on the good. it will take some time and effort, but its worth it. i need to fix what i broke. even though it will never be the same, maybe i can still have it. you know your life if really downhill when you lose the only person in your life you really trust because of the kind of person you are becoming.
i dont want to be that girl.
is it possible for someone to search a lifetime and never really find themselves? i hope not.
does everyting really happen for a reason? are all of the hurtles just to help us grow stronger and learn from our mistakes? or is it all some sick twisted game....i hope not.
maybe i'm doing this because i want to better my life. i want to be the best me i can be. there has been a lot of bad things happening to people lately, and i think that we all take life for granted. i dont want to do that anymore.
i know a lot of people will think i am dumb for quitting xanga. normally i would say i was sorry, but i'm not. so there, maybe thats the next step. haha, i did it, i dont care that you dont want me to stop, i'm doing it anyway. and then there may be some that will be happy for me that i have realized this about myself and am stopping the insanity now, well i thank you.
so to all of you wonderful people out there in the world of xanga, i thank you for putting up with me, and wish you a  happy road ahead....I'm done. | 
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